I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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