I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
