Your face is a jimmy john
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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