I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
