1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
