I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
