An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
