I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
