i just google imaged poop.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
