In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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