Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
