Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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