His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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