"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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