we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
