Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
