Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
