My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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