Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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