Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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