well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
