wrigley field is MILF paradise
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
