my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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