weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
