Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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