Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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