I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
