I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
