I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
