You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
