we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Two words: blizzard sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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