I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
