my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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