operation harelip BJ is a go
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
