And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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