Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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