I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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