You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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