I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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