the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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