so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
