So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I sprained my soul last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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