fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
