i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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