everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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