just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
