I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
