she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
