I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
