Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
