Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
