the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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