After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
