im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
