I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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