why do cheetos always look like penises
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
