Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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