Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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