Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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