you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize