We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
