Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
