you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
