new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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