BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize