Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
