What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
