Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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