Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
