i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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