3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
